I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY ‘OH NO!’ TO SNOW
As a child I’d shout with glee
as the whiteness shrouded trees,
but the shoveling was my father’s lot, not mine.
Down the hills I’d sled with joy,
Yes, the snow was just my toy,
and if school was closed then that’d suit me fine
I could never understand
Father’s frown at the white land,
for me it was the biggest treat by far,
No matter how much of the stuff,
I’d never get enough,
but my father’s job was digging out the car.
Now when snow begins to fall
there’s a voice inside that calls,
Come on and build a snowman out of me.
But the adult in me swears,
‘I must shovel off the stairs.
and my aching back is tired, don’t you see?
Oh, I never thought I’d say
Oh No!’ to snow
But, yes, it’s true, I’d rather stay in bed.
And it keeps going through my mind
growing up might be defined
as the time when shovel must replace the sled.
Winter Holidays by the Numbers
From the U.S. Census Bureau
Number of packages delivered by the U.S. Postal Service every day during the holiday season last year through Christmas Eve. The busiest delivery day: Dec. 20.
Retail sales by the nation’s department stores (including leased departments) in December 2006. This represented a 44% jump from the previous month (when retail sales, many holiday-related, registered $21.8 billion).
The gross earnings of Christmas tree farmers in 2006, with North Carolina ($134 million) as the top producer. Oregon was next at $121 million in sales.
The value of product shipments of candles in 2002 by manufacturers in Texas. The Lone Star State led the country in candle shipments.
More than 303 million
The nation’s projected population as we ring in the New Year. This compares with fewer than 175 million 50 years earlier (1958) and less than 90 million a century earlier (1908).
Ten things to say about gifts you don’t like
10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would’ve fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
7. Well, well, well…
6. I really don’t deserve this.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
1. To think that this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.